Is it worth worrying if we fantasize about another person during sex with a partner? » LGBT Azerbaijan Gay.Az
Is it worth worrying if we fantasize about another person during sex with a partner?
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Is it worth worrying if we fantasize about another person during sex with a partner?

Psychology
The most important thing to know about erotic fantasies

Where do the images that excite us come from in our imaginations? Should you be afraid and ashamed of "uncomfortable" fantasies? Do you have to tell your partner about your fantasies? A sexologist answers the most common questions.

Sexuality is the most mysterious and capricious area of our life. We cannot always explain what gives us pleasure and why. Desire comes and goes at the most inopportune moment, as if teasing our mind: “Oh, do you think that you are in charge here? Well, well ... ”First of all, all this concerns erotic fantasies. Sexologist Agnes Mokar explains point by point what our fantasies are and how to deal with them.


What is erotic fantasy?

It is a product of our imagination that makes us sexually aroused. Often, speaking of fantasies, they mean erotic scenes that we imagine on our mental "screen". But fantasy can also be an idea, a feeling, an impression.

The power of erotic fantasies is that they are deeply rooted in our psyche. In the form of fantasies, our subconscious desires, to one degree or another distorted by the protective mechanisms of the psyche, make themselves felt. It is not so easy to understand what kind of desire underlies fantasy. This usually requires serious psychoanalytic work.

Does everyone have erotic fantasies?

Of course. Even if it seems to you that it is not. It's like dreaming. We see dreams every night, but we are not aware of and remember all of them. Since each of us has an imagination, it means that we also have fantasies. For some, these images are not directly related to sex scenes, so it seems to them that they have no sexual fantasies at all. But this rather means that their desire is expressed through stories related to feelings and relationships.


Should you tell your partner about your fantasies?

Some people think like this: "If I do not want to talk about my fantasies, then I am not frank enough (on) with a partner." This thought comes from the belief that in a relationship you need to share the most intimate with each other - only in this case you can achieve harmony and mutual understanding.

However, fantasies come from the depths of our unconscious, and we ourselves are not always able to interpret them correctly.
If you do decide that it is important for you to discuss these topics with your partner - for example, to be closer to each other - make a rule for yourself: do not judge or criticize. Otherwise, such a conversation can only complicate mutual understanding and bring both a sense of shame.

Is it worth fulfilling your fantasies?

There is no universal answer to this question. Each of us answers it depending on what is pleasant and unpleasant for him, what he knows about himself. In general, there may be several options.

You have never tried to fulfill your fantasies. You just don't see any point in it. You are satisfied with your sexuality. If problems arise in this area, you look for a solution elsewhere. Your fantasies live in your imagination, and that's fine with you.

You have thought about it, but you are not sure what the result will be. Will you feel excited in the process? Will it please your partner? Your doubts are understandable, since we are talking about sensations that you cannot fully understand. Trust your intuition. Try discussing your thoughts with your partner before deciding to experiment.

You have already done this and are satisfied. This means that this question is no longer relevant for you. If this is not the case and you are overwhelmed by doubts, it is possible that something has clouded your experience. Give yourself time to think, if possible - consult with a specialist.


Is it worth worrying if we fantasize about another person during sex with a partner?

Fantasy is a distorted embodiment of our desire, which came from the realm of the unconscious. Because of this distortion, we often cannot understand what it means. In addition, the same fantasy can have different meanings depending on the person. If during sex you imagine yourself in the arms of another person, this does not necessarily mean that you want to be with him.

Remember that concrete images are just a vestment for more complex creations of our unconscious. If fantasies about having sex with another haunt you, try talking to a therapist about them.

What if the fantasy becomes obsessive? Embody it? or try not to think about her?

Oscar Wilde believed that "the only way to get rid of temptation is to succumb to it." In the case of sexual fantasies, this method can work, and the compulsive desire will lose its strength. But remember: Behind an obsession with an idea can be a serious psychological problem. Having dealt with its single manifestation, you only drown it out for a while.

If your fantasy makes you suffer or prevents you from living in peace, you need to take this problem seriously. It is imperative to study it, to understand its deep meaning. Try to consult with a psychoanalyst. He will help you look into your unconscious and understand what it is trying to express through this fantasy.


Should we be intimidated by strange and aggressive fantasies?

If sadistic images appear in your fantasies, this is not a reason to suspect you are a hidden maniac and rapist. It is worth repeating this again: fantasies arise from deep desires languishing in our unconscious. The unconscious itself does not operate with such concepts as law, morality and ethics. His "captives" acquire a distorted appearance due to the fact that they overcome the strong resistance of psychological defenses.

As a rule, such fantasies rarely arise, and we do not have the idea of realizing them. But if in your fantasies there are often "forbidden" topics, it is better to consult with a psychotherapist. Most likely, the answer lies in your life and family history, in unresolved internal conflicts driven deep inside.

Due to lack of funding, the article was translated by google translator. Gay.Az editors apologize for the inconvenience*
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21.09.2021

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